You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
