They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
