I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
