Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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