he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
