I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
