ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
