you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
