somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
