ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
