Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
