two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
