That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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