Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
