This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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