he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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