I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
