And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
