Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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