i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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