I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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