he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
