Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
