I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
