All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
