I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
