I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
