maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
