I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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