You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
