If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
