I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
