I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
