Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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