i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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