She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
