when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
