Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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