dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
