Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
