I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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