Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
