If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
