The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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