Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
