Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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