Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
