lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
