Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
