normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
