if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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