Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
