Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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