I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
