My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
