new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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